The taste of oranges

The weight gain and bloating were off putting. I spoke to my GP and I am trying half the dose of Mirtazipine. I had read it has a higher sedative effect at lower doses. I don’t think this is working out well although I am less bloated and more comfortable. I am not having pains…

Holding Little Feelings

Adding Mirtazipine at night has helped with sleep. I tend to drift off much sooner and if I wake up I barely remember and I go back to sleep quickly. Very strangely since starting this medication I have not had the horrible pain and burning sensation in my hands and feet. Not at all. I…

Into safety

I have not written a post because I do not know what to say. Life has been going along and medication changes have been made. I can sleep more easily now, a deeper sleep that leaves me feeling unreal the next day. High perhaps. Not of this world. I have felt more even. Walked in…

The one to keep us safe

If I listen quietly, listen deep inside, what do I hear? Does everyone have voices inside of them? Voices that speak to them and each other? Does everyone have that voice that says “stop” and creates emptiness? Creates memory loss. Telling you that you are a failure for not making everything stop? For not keeping…

Tightrope

I don’t remember ever being so bad at functioning in daily life before. I need to fix up before I get in such a situation financially that I cannot recover. The positive is that I finally feel like myself again. I also recognise the strength of relationship that I have with my counsellor. Our foundations…

I lost time again. I am worried about what is happening. In the shower this morning I vomited. I remember thinking “don’t be sick in the shower, use the toilet”. I just stood there in the shower instead. Once out of the shower I felt suddenly very cold. Grabbed a blanket and lay on the…

Protected: I am a mermaid

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Looking for answers

Today I tried to piece together the missing time. In the very early hours of the morning I noticed that I had eaten- empty packaging in the kitchen. I stayed in bed until after midday I needed time until I felt ready to get up and face things. My home was a mess. I saw…

I am struggling. Everything is so much. I hear too much and I feel the feelings of others. Samantha calls them influencers. I am not sure what I call them or what I think. I know I am not comfortable with so many terms associated with DID. Samantha has been having training in dissociation. I…

Some progress

Samantha and I started talking about the dissociation a few weeks or a month ago. Maybe more. She has told me she has been attending more training on dissociation, I also think she has been reading around it as she has watched some videos. I asked her if she was OK talking about this stuff…